Thursday, 21 October 2010
After days of agonising over my speech, editing powerpoint slides and enduring increasing anxiety and fear, the day had arrived. Built up to a (rather disappointing) climax, it popped like a balloon. And just like that, it was over.
I wasn't happy. Why would I be? I spent hours reading in front of the mirror, correcting any errors I made in pronunciation, and trying desperately to inject some light-heartedness into my tone, to keep it from sounding like it was being read by an old lady who'd lost her glasses. In the end, despite my efforts, I fumbled over the first few slides, forgetting some lines, and my voice varied from being extremely soft to sudden loudness. Even the Q&A section went wrong...I can still hear my cringe-worthy answers coming from my mouth; every flimsy reply, every vague attempt to explain a little better just made me look foolish.
To make matters worse, members of other groups did relatively well. In comparison to them, fine porcelain, I was plain old clay.
Still, although I didn't meet expectations, I did present in front of an audience. I did get an opportunity to talk, and I talked my way through tonight - no matter how bad it was. I reached the finishing line, and now as I look back, it doesn't seem as horrible as I imagined. My teammates praised me. My classmates smiled encouragingly while I was presenting. All my concerns have shrunk to the size of ants. And I was more than willing to crush them to dust.
So yeah, giving a speech in front of many others is not something I would have chosen. It's not my character; it's not in my blood to stand up and talk like it's the most natural thing on earth. Some lucky few who revel in the spotlight or are born speakers might scoff at me, because to them it's as easy as breathing. But in my eyes, each chance to do so is one step closer to conquering my fear of public speaking.
I'm glad I was brave enough.
I wasn't happy. Why would I be? I spent hours reading in front of the mirror, correcting any errors I made in pronunciation, and trying desperately to inject some light-heartedness into my tone, to keep it from sounding like it was being read by an old lady who'd lost her glasses. In the end, despite my efforts, I fumbled over the first few slides, forgetting some lines, and my voice varied from being extremely soft to sudden loudness. Even the Q&A section went wrong...I can still hear my cringe-worthy answers coming from my mouth; every flimsy reply, every vague attempt to explain a little better just made me look foolish.
To make matters worse, members of other groups did relatively well. In comparison to them, fine porcelain, I was plain old clay.
Still, although I didn't meet expectations, I did present in front of an audience. I did get an opportunity to talk, and I talked my way through tonight - no matter how bad it was. I reached the finishing line, and now as I look back, it doesn't seem as horrible as I imagined. My teammates praised me. My classmates smiled encouragingly while I was presenting. All my concerns have shrunk to the size of ants. And I was more than willing to crush them to dust.
So yeah, giving a speech in front of many others is not something I would have chosen. It's not my character; it's not in my blood to stand up and talk like it's the most natural thing on earth. Some lucky few who revel in the spotlight or are born speakers might scoff at me, because to them it's as easy as breathing. But in my eyes, each chance to do so is one step closer to conquering my fear of public speaking.
I'm glad I was brave enough.
10/21/2010 11:32:00 pm
