Monday, 9 June 2008
I have this feeling that perhaps I am not entitled to the joys and wonders of life like everyone else. Perhaps my existence is to benefit others by letting them laugh, mock and taunt me, by allowing them to see just how worthless I am as an individual in all aspects compared to themselves or other people, and by being a good example of a failure. I'm not good enough for anything or anyone. I don't understand why am I getting so caught up over such a trivial thing like my future.
It's as if I'm caught in a nightmare from which I cannot escape. I'm stuck at the crossroads in life; no matter which way I turn, it's the wrong one; no matter how hard I try, I'm met with disapproving looks and assaulted with criticisms. SIM global? There're no courses I want. UniSIM? It's for working adults. Poly or JC? I don't wish to turn back. I don't know! I don't know where I should go to anymore! I don't even know what I want now! I don't understand myself...why...??
But the thing that scares me the most is the fact that I only feel a vague numbness nowadays. My emotions keep swinging back and forth; occasionally, I fly into a furious rage, and burst into hysterical giggling for no reason at all - usually this ends up with me in tears. I think I'm going mad...otherwise how can I explain my weird behavior?
It's as if I'm caught in a nightmare from which I cannot escape. I'm stuck at the crossroads in life; no matter which way I turn, it's the wrong one; no matter how hard I try, I'm met with disapproving looks and assaulted with criticisms. SIM global? There're no courses I want. UniSIM? It's for working adults. Poly or JC? I don't wish to turn back. I don't know! I don't know where I should go to anymore! I don't even know what I want now! I don't understand myself...why...??
But the thing that scares me the most is the fact that I only feel a vague numbness nowadays. My emotions keep swinging back and forth; occasionally, I fly into a furious rage, and burst into hysterical giggling for no reason at all - usually this ends up with me in tears. I think I'm going mad...otherwise how can I explain my weird behavior?
6/09/2008 02:18:00 pm
