Wednesday, 21 May 2008
This evening, my colleague asked me,"Don't you usually go out with your friends on weekends?"
Actually, I hardly meet up with them, even though I would like to convince myself that we're as close as ever. The least often is once a year; the most, 2 or 3 times. When I'm together with them, the conversation becomes rather awkward, simply because we've run out of general topics to discuss. It's understandable considering the (in)frequency of our outings. It takes all my strength just to pretend the uncomfortable glances they shoot at me and the tense silence stretching between us does not mean anything to me. But the truth is, it nearly breaks my heart when I see that it is my presence which is causing them to act like strangers - not just to me, but to each other as well. I seem to have some sort of negative influence over the whole group.
It sounds so cliched - but I feel like they're drifting away into the light, while I'm fading into darkness. I reach out for them, but they slip past my fingertips into the horizon beyond, my pleas thrown back to me mockingly. They are so near and yet so far. I can only watch from a distance, praying that one day we will be as close as we once were.
I was just wondering...if I were to suddenly perish in an accident, would my family weep for me, preserve every property of mine? Would my friends tearfully recall the past good memories we had shared together, would they struggle to remember every last word, every last smile when I was with them? Would my colleagues imprint in their minds the last goodbye I waved to them? Would strangers feel sorrow over the loss of a life, a life that could well have been someone's they knew?
All I know is that when one dies, the light in someone's eyes becomes extinguished as well. Be it a spouse, a child, a parent, a relative, a friend or even a neighbour, someone will be hurt by your departure; someone who will cry rivers of tears over your dead body, who will regret not treating you better, who will blame themselves for taking you for granted. Too many times in life, we are slow to express our appreciation to those we love and who have helped us throughout our lives. It is only when they are gone that we feel the anguish of the permanent loss of a spark of happiness.
Isn't it about time we start treasuring our lives and our loved ones?
Actually, I hardly meet up with them, even though I would like to convince myself that we're as close as ever. The least often is once a year; the most, 2 or 3 times. When I'm together with them, the conversation becomes rather awkward, simply because we've run out of general topics to discuss. It's understandable considering the (in)frequency of our outings. It takes all my strength just to pretend the uncomfortable glances they shoot at me and the tense silence stretching between us does not mean anything to me. But the truth is, it nearly breaks my heart when I see that it is my presence which is causing them to act like strangers - not just to me, but to each other as well. I seem to have some sort of negative influence over the whole group.
It sounds so cliched - but I feel like they're drifting away into the light, while I'm fading into darkness. I reach out for them, but they slip past my fingertips into the horizon beyond, my pleas thrown back to me mockingly. They are so near and yet so far. I can only watch from a distance, praying that one day we will be as close as we once were.
I was just wondering...if I were to suddenly perish in an accident, would my family weep for me, preserve every property of mine? Would my friends tearfully recall the past good memories we had shared together, would they struggle to remember every last word, every last smile when I was with them? Would my colleagues imprint in their minds the last goodbye I waved to them? Would strangers feel sorrow over the loss of a life, a life that could well have been someone's they knew?
All I know is that when one dies, the light in someone's eyes becomes extinguished as well. Be it a spouse, a child, a parent, a relative, a friend or even a neighbour, someone will be hurt by your departure; someone who will cry rivers of tears over your dead body, who will regret not treating you better, who will blame themselves for taking you for granted. Too many times in life, we are slow to express our appreciation to those we love and who have helped us throughout our lives. It is only when they are gone that we feel the anguish of the permanent loss of a spark of happiness.
Isn't it about time we start treasuring our lives and our loved ones?
5/21/2008 09:38:00 pm
